By Russ | September 15, 2008
Absinthe Lollipop
This is just what the world needs:
Absinthe Lollipops.
Why let your kid have ordinary lollipops when these are available? Not that they are marketed towards kids. Teenagers have way more money than kids do and they seem to like the taste.
What a mixture: Lolly and alcohol. It just begs for the underage consumption of alcohol. Or is that just me?
And as the spiel says:
…they’re the ultimate party favor- the combination of absinthe’s mystique and the inherent sexiness of lollipops is a pretty explosive one.
What a wonderful world we live in.
Weirdness Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Price: Starts at 4 for $10
By Russ | September 14, 2008
Cheeseburger In A Can
No offense to all you Americans out there, but you have seriously dropped the ball if you have let a European country come up with the
Cheeseburger in a Can before you. I mean, you are the Land of the Cheeseburger.
A cheeseburger in a can.
Just say it out loud and let the deliciousness of it roll over your tongue.
You can taste it already, can’t you? Which mean you should be heaving it up in a few seconds.
I am really struggling to find a place on Earth where you could justify the use of the Cheeseburger in a Can. I mean, even on a camping trip you would be able to bring better (and more real) food than this. And you would be able to hunt seals and fish in the Antarctic. Both better options than cracking the lid on this thing.
I am still thinking and nope, can’t think of a place.
Maybe I’m still too shocked that this isn’t an American product.
Weirdness Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Price: $5.65
By Russ | September 13, 2008
Carpet Alarm
Some items are just dumb because of the fact that dumb people buy them. Some are dumb becuase those who designed them are dumb. Then, like today’s product, there are items that aren’t dumb at all – just pointless in the extreme.
This product falls under the category of “a product that has been created by combining two other products.” In this case an alarm clock and a carpet off-cut.
Manufacturers see this as a safe product as it is already familiar to potential customers. Although being safe and being useful are two completely different things.
Why would you want a piece of carpet to do the same thing your regular alarm clock does? Sure standing on a regular alarm clock probably isn’t a whole lot of fun, but that is why they invented carpet in the first place!
Flooring really shouldn’t need to be plugged in.
Weirdness Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Price: Unknown
By Russ | September 12, 2008
The Ball Scratcher for Executive Gentlemen
What can one say about the ultimate executive status item ever manufactured:
The Ball Scratcher for Executive Gentlemen.
It is the greatest status symbol for a new age.
I mean once you reach the executive level there is no way that you are going to stoop so low as to scratch yourself – that’s why you have underlings. But The Ball Scratcher for Executive Gentlemen are for those times when you find yourself without anyone close by to scratch for you.
No longer shall you sully your own hands and degrade yourself by scratching or adjusting your own balls.
What did society ever do without The Ball Scratcher for Executive Gentlemen?
Weirdness Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Price: $11.35
By Russ | September 11, 2008
Care Bear Body Armor
Some items are just too damn cool to be sold, and that is exactly what
GlamGuns.com sells. Or should I say, does not sell.
We can only dream of owning our very own Care Bear Body Armour, or a Hello Kitty AK-47. And what girl doesn’t want a pair of (Paris) Hilton Handcuffs or an Official Dora the Explorer Combat Knife?
All these and more can (not) be yours and the prices start as low as $47.50.
There are probably about a dozen laws and statutes restricting the sale of these items, and that is where the law fails. These are the items we want. Not Hello Kitty key chains. Not Paris Hilton diaries. Not even an actual Care Bear.
Companies and law-makers are all too quick to curtail to the will of religious groups and parental lobbies and make silly laws restricting the greatness of the Care Bear Body Armour.
Shame on you. Will you not finally listen to the people and give us our Ez-Boom Ovens!?
You can however, buy buttons, tees, bags and other stuff with GlamGuns all over them over here.
Weirdness Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Price: Around $24.00 for a Tee, even less for other stuff!
By Russ | September 10, 2008
Sarah Palin Action Figure
Every now and then something comes along that not only re-affirms my faith in the internet, but my faith in humanity. And that something is the
Sarah Palin action figure.
It really fills me with a sense of well being when I know that someone (in this case the good people at InfoMedia Inc) out there is thinking about making stuff of this quality. I mean, who wouldn’t want one? The right-wing religious conservative types will want one because they believe in her and what she stands for, and the Lefties will want something to stick pins into. Win-win for the makers.
Every time I look at those black framed plastic painted eyes and that oh-so-white smile it makes me laugh. Pure gold!
I am seriously tempted to buy one myself but I would be fearful of having it in my house in case it came alive, ala the evil Krusty the Clown doll in the Simpsons Halloween episode from Season 4, or that damn scary clown doll from Poltergeist. So I think I will be content to just admire her (well, at least her action figure) from afar.
Weirdness Rating: 1 (out of 5)
Price: Starts at $26.95
By Russ | September 10, 2008
Nothing
I am sure as this site goes on I will be using the term “for the person who has everything” quite a bit, but for those who really DO have everything, I give you
Nothing.
Yup, manufactures are now trying to palm off nothing to you. Well, technically it’s not nothing – it’s cardboard and some plastic and some nice looking type, but the product it holds is, Nothing.
Without getting too deep and meaningful about how nothing is now actually something, let me just say that this, in reality, is the ultimate way to waste your money. You can just stop all your ifs and buts – what you are ultimately buying is nothing. It really is.
And I could sell you that!
Weirdness Rating: 3 (out of 5)
Price: Approximately $6.20
By Russ | September 9, 2008
Ninja Grappling Hook
I have one question: Who wouldn’t want a
Ninja Grappling Hook?
Sure, you could wax on about how it is simply a length of rope attached to two bits of metal bolted together, but you would be missing the point entirely. And that is Ninja. Grappling. Hook.
You too can scale up tall average-height walls and buildings, you too could pull things too you, like dead bodies and rubble that has hidden explosives underneath ready to blow up any would-be ninja without his Ninja Grappling Hook.
Moral of the story: if you are a ninja, don’t leave home without your Ninja Grappling Hook.
Weirdness Rating: 2 (out of 5)
Price: $23.00
By Russ | September 8, 2008
Kangaroo Scrotum Pouch
In Australia they love their national animals. And none more so than the unique and jumpy Kangaroo. They love them so much they not only eat them, they kill them for their scrotums.
Yup, you too could own your very own Kangaroo Lucky Pouch.
I am not too sure why it is so lucky – I mean it wasn’t too lucky for the Kangaroo it was once attached too.
There are many varieties of these pouches too: Small Kangaroo Scrotum Pouch, Medium Kangaroo Lucky Pouch, Large Scrotum Pouch, even a Golf Ball Scrotum Bags, and of course, the Scrotum Coin Purses. All have one thing in common: they were once dangling between a male Kangaroo’s legs.
Why you would want to walk around with an animal’s ball sack I am not sure, but who am I to question the practice. I mean, if those cool Aussies are doing it then surely it has cred. Right? Maybe not.
Merely knowing that these exist is enough to make me look at Veganism as a serious lifestyle choice.
Weirdness Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Price: $15-$45
By Russ | September 7, 2008
Nutri-Weigh & Go Scale
I am struggling but I can see no other application for the
Nutri-Weigh & Go Scale other than weighing any food before it goes into your mouth.
Do the creators of these products actually field-test them? Can you realistically expect anyone short of a person with some sort of compulsive mental disorder to actually use this contraption?
I mean is anyone that pedantic?
Even the image itself shows the level they expect you to stoop to: weighing 6 grapes to find their nutritional value. Is anyone on that much of a strict diet that one grape too many may send them into some weird dietary spiral from which they will never escape?
And what happens if the food you are about to eat, god-forbid, was mixed with other food? How do you weigh that? Assuming you know what is actually in it in the first place.
I can think of about 200 situations where this contraption would be utterly and completely useless and about 3 where you might actually use it, if you were the aforementioned compulsive mental patient.
Weirdness Rating: 2 (out of 5)
Price: $60.00
